Big Step = Big FAIL!

If you are my friend on facebook, you most definitely know that I had a fight with our front door Monday night.  The turning mechanism jammed and we couldn't get the door open.  I inevitably had to take the door of the hinges, but that was a feat in itself.  I had to use my mad football skillz to bump the door off the hinges and when I went to bump the bottom part of the door off it's hinge, I slammed my face into the door jam! Oh what fun it has been to try and cover a lovely black and blue bruise just under my left eye.  Well once the door was finally off the hinges I was able to get the door knob off the door and rehinge the door.  Tuesday after work I headed over to the Lawrenceville Home Depot to find a new front door knob - I even did research online so I wouldn't look like and sound like an idiot at the "man's store".  Well, as a woman, I must say that that store is the MOST unorganized place in the world.  You'd think that the door knobs would be with the doors, nope!  So after getting slightly irritated...we finally run into an orange apron'd worker.  I immediately belt out "DOOR KNOB!" After his startledness wore off, he lead us to the promised land of knobs - where I took the big step and flirted and enjoyed every minute of it, as I believe he did too.  He wasn't my "usual" flirt type, but I am trying new things and wanting to step out of my box.   After finding what I needed (YAY for new door knobs) we (Shannon - we ride together to work) headed out the door - but Shannon decided he needed my number because we "flirted well" together, so she headed back in to give him my number and I didn't stop her.  She came back to the car with a huge smile on her face and told me that she asked him if he had a girlfriend and he said no so she gave him my number.  Before we even made it to Winder I had gotten a text from him.  YAY.  We texted for a couple hours and he said that he would contact me the next day or Thursday (because he is in school and would be in class most of the day).  Well, me being me, I got anxious when I got home to learn more about this person, so I did want any girl in her right mind would do....try and find him on facebook.  Well I found him....and his marital status of MARRIED! FUUUUUUUUUDGE! Boy can I pick em!

One Year!

One year ago, one huge asshole changed my view on myself and my life.  I don't thank him, I don't praise him...I celebrate that he is gone (though he still loves to call in the middle of the night every 2-3 months)

Since this day in 2010 I have grown out my hair, made a list of my FDH, lost 64 lbs, fell in love with my child over and over again and realized I am not the person that he tried to convince me I am....YAY for falling out of fake love and realizing my worth!

and we partied...

So since I have a birthday coming up (#32 - which is weird that Im not freaking out about this number like I did 30 and 31) I decided I wanted to celebrate...Celebrating my birthday and celebrating that I hit my 60lb mark today :) YAY me!  I really wanted to celebrate...with PIZZA! I haven't had pizza ( a real pizza) in so long!  Winder has a pizza place (Dooley's) that a few people have told me about and I decided (though I hadn't been there yet) that is where I wanted to go! So I invited a couple handfuls of people and ate a WHOLE calzone...totally yum!  I was too busy talking to the intermixed group of people that I didn't get many pictures, but a fun time was had! Thanks to all that were able to come...and to those who didn't, you missed out on some yumminess!

 Say hey to Sara! I went to Elementary School (McKendree) and Middle School (Lawrenceville Middle) with her!  We haven't seen each other since we went to different High Schools, so tonight was our 15+ year reunion! So fun to catch up and hang out with her!

The Howell Girls - Taylor and Courtney (23), Ginger (30) and Me (32) - we have some cute genes! Glad they all made it out (including their mom, my aunt Kim!)

My Maternal Gynerations reunion - Julie and Tiffany used to work with Marion (Momma Shields) and I! I actually took over for Tiffany when she left the office! 

I just had to admire our really cute genes again! Grandma would be so proud of us! 

1 week to go

till the mid point of this adventure.  I have until October 24th to get 2 more pounds off of me to make it a total of 60lbs lost!  Of course, it didn't help the Skyler won a very YUMMY chocolate chip cake from the cake walk today...I guess Im gonna have to DOUBLE up the Zumba this week!

Debbie Downer Moment ALERT!

I seem to get stuck in these very pensive attitudes lately.  They seem to be happening more often than not, too.  Mostly occurring on Friday nights when I am at home, messing around on FB watching most of my "friends" add status updates about being out and enjoying the night....and then I start thinking (which is detrimental to me).

My Friday nights tend to consist of me at home, sitting in front of the TV doing....NOTHING. Sad thing is that my Saturday's are starting to get this way too.  I think I have finally hit the loner persona OR I've just realized that I have been this way for a while...either way, I feel lame.

Most of my friends are married or coupled up and tend to spend their time with other married or coupled up folks.   I know I told myself that during this journey of weight loss, I wanted to do it on my own and for myself, by myself, but I'm getting lonely.

My phone rarely rings and if it does it is usually a wrong number or Skyler calling to ask if he can go to a friend's house after school.  Text messages, lately, have been more about work than personal.

Then I start to wonder....what's wrong with me that no one wants to hang out or call and chat....It's a sucky, sad, piss-poor way of thinking and feeling, but I can only put on a happy face for so long before I come to the conclusion that maybe I'm just not the person that people want to be around...

...I need to fix this, but unsure how.

And so it begins....

Skyler has a crush...

He started asking questions tonight while we were watching the football game.  He is curious to how he should talk and treat girls!   I gave him the low down in my opinion how us girls like to be treated.  I made sure I emphasized that we do not like to be picked on and we love compliments, sweet compliments!  He was so cute in the whole conversation and told me that he gets shaky when he tries to talk to her.

It is a GREAT thing that I have a connection at the school and promptly texted Aunt Nak (Skyler's godmother) to get the low down on this girl that has my baby's attention! And just as I have raised him, he has chosen a good, smart and sweet girl.  Her name is Anna and has medium brown hair like his and green eyes, just like him, too! She is a gymnast and a Math Master. OH! And she is taller than he is - which I find funny since he is taller than all the boys in his class - then I had to remember that I was taller than most boys until I got to middle school.

I so, totally, stalked her mom's FB page and caught a glimpse of her.  I must say, I have taught my boy well!

No X's.....

So what?!? I had a cry fest in Wal-mart... It was the Winder Walmart, so it wasn't too bad...but it was for a lovely reason.

I have been so against buying new clothes.  Mainly because I don't want to waste a lot of money (cause I don't have much to begin with!) right now, so that I can spend more when I am the finished product.

Well, clothes (especially scrubs) are getting extra baggy these days and there are days when I get "the look" making me feel like I don't look professional with such bagginess going on.  So, I've instated the will buy one new scrub every pay day.  This isn't such a bad thing because you can usually find a good deal on them some places - even places you wouldn't expect.  Today was the day to buy a new scrub.

I ended up at Walmart and not because I needed a scrub, but since they have them their I thought I would just look and see what they had available.  Last pay day I bought a pair of grey scrub pants and I wanted a top to match.  Apparently this is the season for grey, cause they had three tops that my pants would match.  I found one I REALLY enjoyed (even though it was $16, ugh I hate paying that for a scrub top).  While looking for my size I noticed they only had an XS (HA!), L and 2XL...POOP! I knew I couldn't fit in the XS and the 2XL would be too big (cause that is the size that I started out in 5-6 months ago), I kinda got a little discouraged because I really dug this top.  Well I took the L into the dressing room ready to be all discouraged....slipped it over my head, pulled it down over my shoulders, got down to my hips and it fit over them! IT SERIOUSLY FIT OVER MY HIPS!!! Yes, there may be a little snuggishness, but it fits.  I turned around and I looked in the dressing room mirror....and completely lost it.  Ugly crying, snotty sniffling...whole body crying.  I think I scared the poor lady that stands outside the dressing rooms, because after about a minute of hearing me she said "Honey, are you ok??!" and in my blubbering I was able to tell her that I was ok and after I composed myself and came out of the dressing room I explained myself....and I got a high five! I left Walmart with a huge smile on my face and got in my car and yelled....THERE ARE NO X's ON MY TAG! Thank you Momma for always teaching me to wear waterproof make up!

Expanding!!

As some of you know I have been hand-making custom wooden pendants.  I have started a blog so that you can see new creations and make orders! The holidays are coming up soon and I have a lot of orders coming in, so keep me in mind if you have someone who you think would enjoy one (or more!)

http://knowitalldesigns.blogspot.com

Hehe!

Guess who bought a shirt in the regular part of the store this morning! Plus it's a little big :) It's the small things that can make a girl happy....

FDH - Future Dream Husband

I have a running list of characteristics that I would enjoy for FDH to employ...I add and subtract and modify this list on occasion....but here is the gist.  I will add more when the list gets updated again.


Tall and Stout. FDH will have to be bigger than me OR make me feel smaller.  I am NOT short.  I am also not the smallest person.  My size may be whittling down, but I still want FDH to be stout, have some meat on him.  I in no way want to feel like I am going to be punctured by some guy’s bony-ness.  Daddy likes to call what stature I like in a guy “Built like a brick shit-house”


Chivalry Ain’t Dead. FDH has to put my coat on for me.  I realize that I’m perfectly capable of putting my own coat on and I have no problem doing so, but it’s just so sweet when a guy helps you.  There are a ton of chivalrous things that I hope my man does but the coat assistance stands out to me.  We always hear about the door open, but you rarely see the coat assistance.  And I love me some coats…even though I live in Georgia and it rarely gets cold enough for a coat…even in winter.  Also, lead me with his hand in the small of my back…let’s me know that I am being looked out for.


Handy Manny.  I need someone who can take care of business when the occasion calls for it.  I mean if we break down on the side of the road and all we have is a stick of gum and a bag of popcorn, he should be able to fix anything, correct?


Athletic.  I hate to even bring this one up because I know that sports aren’t everyone’s thing, but I think it might be a necessity for me.  FDH doesn’t have to be good at sports….he doesn’t even have to still play any sports…but previous participation is a big plus.  I’m partial to football, but other sports will do.  As long as I don’t have to explain to you what’s going on in the game we’ll be good.

Accents.  A Southern Accent to be exact.  You wanna feel the steeping sweet tea and honey suckle come from his mouth. 

Big Hands.  This is a strange one to most, but it has always been on my list.  I am Jennifer Howell and I am 5’10” and I have big hands.  Crazy big hands.  My hands seem to overwhelm most of my petite friends.  I rarely can find a winter glove to wear that didn’t come from the men’s department.  FDH must have big hands.  One’s that will make me feel safe and protected as he holds it.

All in the Family.  In the past I sometimes feel like I have fallen for the family more than I had the boy…maybe that should have been my clue, but a good family is a necessity, especially if I am becoming apart of it and will have to participate in it for the rest of my life!  I know that families come in many shapes and sizes and we all have our quirks, but if FDH loves each and every aspect of his family (good and bad) and they get along, I’m down!

Family Man.  FDH wants to be a family (and will be a kick-ass father). Like, wants them. Knows he wants them. Not someone who thinks he will want them "someday."

Loves to laugh. FDH laughs at my jokes. And I mean really laughs, because he thinks I am hilarious, not just to be polite because eventually politeness wears off. 

Attention to Detail. FDH will know tulips are in season starting mid-April. Tulips are my most favorite flower in the entire universe. I would rather get a bouquet of tulips from the deli every week for that short period that they're available at the end of winter and early spring than roses every week for a year (unless they are sterling roses). It's not about getting flowers from a man. It's about him being someone who remembers that they are among my most favorite things on the planet and having them around me makes me happy.

Different Smarts.  FDH is really smart, but hopefully in different areas than I am. Some of the sexiest professions are in fields that I know nothing about—architects, firemen, cabana boys—and I love the idea of meeting someone who brings new ideas into my world and vice versa. Which is not to say I wouldn't love to date someone in the medical field—I would—but hopefully he is also a rocket scientist in his spare time.

Team Player. FDH is strong enough to cook and do the laundry.  It’s not that I want FH to do these things everyday; it is that I want to know he is there and ready to pitch in ANYWHERE occasionally!

Forgiveness Counts.  FDH is not critical and can forgive.  This is a trait that I hope to reciprocate.  Criticizing is a fear related activity and does not contribute to a healthy relationship.  Forgiveness is needed in small and large amounts daily.  Without it we can become revengeful and unhealthy.  It is something we need to do for ourselves and others.

Not right all the time.  Everyone makes mistakes and people who can admit to their faults are admired.

Sense of Humor.  Humor comes in a lot of different packages.  Some are funny with little boy humor, many have a coy wit about them.  FDH will have a gentle sarcasm which at times bears a bit of truth.  I especially like it when he makes the joke’s about him and not at someone else’s expense.  Oh and has to be able to handle my gentle, competitive sarcastic humor!

Good Listening Skills.  FDH doesn’t have to agree with me, but he can always listen to me and hear what I have to say without getting upset or defensive.  He can hold me and let me cry without demanding I give a reason.  It is really nice to have someone to go to when we are overwhelmed and frightened. 

Thinks I am the best…EVER.  FDH thinks I am the best he has ever met and doesn’t have a difficult time letting others know it.

This is how I'm gonna catch him...

by showing off my baking ability!

Know It All Designs

I recently have started back in the crafting world and picked up a new craft.  I am making wooden tile pendants that can be customized to people's wants and needs for a pendant to match an outfit or even a necklace.  Find me on facebook under Know It All Designs and see if you like what you see....I'd be happy to custom make pendants for all occasions and celebrations!

Doin the Happy Dance!

...and only 15 pounds away from pre-pregnancy weight! I know I said I didn't wanna brag, but I'm happy and excited! The past two weeks have been rough with the stalled weight pattern!

I want this dress....

eShakti - Shop Women’s designer fashion dresses, tops| Size 0-26W &Custom clothes

Just sayin!

Duck Butt!

That's what I feel like most days when I head to work.  I got rid of a bunch of scrubs about 4 years ago, because I gave up on losing weight.  Well, problem is...I need them back because I feel like I look like this nowadays

Being a 31 year old single mother of a 9 year old growing weed and caretaker of 2 60+ year old parents (yes! My parents live with me....I feel better with them here, I know they are eating well and taken care of)  and our lovely economy doesn't leave much (or any at all) money for me to buy new things, but since I hit my 50lb mark today, I bought 1 pair of new scrub pants....they were only 9 bucks and I needed this color to match a couple tops I have.  So maybe, MAYBE, if I can find a good deal like this every payday Ill start building a new work wardrobe...but not too much since I have 59lbs more to go....

Whatever!

My debit card got hacked - not sure how....person charged two plane tickets worth over $3500 and wiped out my moolah...compensating with cookies and wine...and I dont care!

I think I may have figured something out...

Something very important!

I really shouldn't brag about my weight loss! I have noticed over the lasts 5 months that when I would get sooo excited when the scale when down and I would hit my goals, the scale would actually turn itself on me and try to creep back up or just get stuck in one position for a few days.  Not a big fan of it AT ALL! It may have even cost me my 5 month goal (it was an unofficial goal, but still).  I weighed in on Monday up 2 lbs from when I had my bragging streak! HMPPH....back down to the 48lbs as of today, but BARELY! So I am gonna TRY (keyword TRY) to not get excited and brag about the numbers and just post at the bottom of my page on my LillyPad icon....

Hmm...Interesting!

A good interesting that is....I weighed yesterday morning (well, I actually weigh everyday at work - so that I have a constant to compare my numbers to) and it said that new decade number, which I was happy with because I had kinda gotten in a stall pattern AND I had two cupcakes at BFF and favorite Marine's wedding on Sunday....this morning it was another two pounds down :) I will not complain about that at all! Down a total of 48lbs! So maybe I will hit that 50lb mark by the 15th of August...who's gonna buy me lunch if I do?!?

Oooh, that sounds like a good competition!

New week...new...

..."decade" of numbers! I call each set of 10lb increments "decades".  I am now into new decade! YAY! It felt like I was in that last decade for a WHILE.  Maybe not fretting so much and just enjoying my time off helped.

I have SUCKED lately with exercise.  It is so stinking hot and when I get good and sweaty I tend to get a really bad headache. Not exercising like I should could be another culprit for not dropping like I should, but I am happy with were I am.

I'm down a total of 46lbs in almost 5 months (the 15th is start of the 6th month) and everyone seems to be noticing....I notice the change in how my clothes fit, but not necessarily in how I look, the best compliment was from Billy (Bildy). BFF, Crusty, and her husband, Bildy (my favorite Marine), were in town this past week (they are stationed at  Twentynine Palms, CA).  They surprised me at the office last money with a visit from them and their 6 week old son, Liam!  Plus they got to show off to everyone at work (Crusty used to work with me and everyone loved her!). While in town for their post deployment leave, Crusty and Bildy, joined Dr Hearin (boss man) and I at Trivia.  We used to go to trivia every Friday night before Crusty and Bildy moved to Memphis a little over 3 (or could it actually be 4?) years ago. Secret Cervix was reunited! Even better we finished in 3rd place!  But Bildy's reaction to my weight loss was fab, he made me feel good!  While waiting for trivia to start he said..."You are looking most fabulous and I'm totally proud of your awesomeness!" That was then concluded with the loudest, best high-five that actually brought tears to my eyes!  I love that I have the support and encouragement from such wonderful people, including all of you that are following and reading along in my journey! Thank you from the bottom of my shrinking body's heart!!

Happy First Day of 4th Grade!!

Skyler and Momma waiting on the bus.

Bus showed up at 6:32a

Hope all my friends in education and all the moms, dads and school-aged kids enjoyed their first day back! Skyler was quite excited.  He was dressed and ready to go by 6:09a, after only getting up at 5:58a! I got my "Im home" phone call about 3:15p to let me know that his day was "wonderful" and he reiterated that he thinks he will love 4th grade, because there is a lot of math! Success! Let's just hope we make it past the day 3 phone call! (Day 3 phone call happened in K, 1st and 2nd grades - thanks in part to his anxiety)